When you are making an advertisement like a television commercial, you want to make sure that people know where you stand. The best way to do that is with an advertising agency.
I am assuming that this is your position. A crafty writer that works at a B rated ad agency. You have been at your job for a long time and know all of the local companies. There has always been that one account though. The one that got away. Finally, Johnson boats comes to you and says “We need to get people on our Johnsons”.
You go home and brag to your friends and family about how you finally got Johnson. And everyone is impressed. Then suddenly it hits you. You need to make then a family friendly, safe and fun ad without getting their name confused with the man part that shares the name.
There are two ways to avoid this becoming a problem. One, avoid any phrase that could be confused with innuendo. Then there is the second way. Use so many innuendos that the viewer would have to assume that the video is totally wholesome and there is no way they knew about the innuendo.
The second choice won out. Way to go! No one thought of this as being anything sexual and you probably still the guy known for wanting to get everyone kids on a Johnson. Enjoy the dumb way to make an advertisement.
Sometimes you come across a video that really inspires you. When I saw the this video, I immediately thought about the struggle of mankind and how sensitive that struggle can be for some. Here is a perfect example of that situation and this will also serve as an example of how to deal with that sensitivity, in the dumbest way possible.
Now for you to pull off this kind of compassion, you should use your soft, sensitive man voice. You need to have a sense of humor, at the most inappropriate times. You can’t be afraid to laugh right in the face of someone that is struggling. Even if they have a voice that sounds like a wimpy version of Micky Mouse. And once you realize that you have embarrassed yourself, your guest and the people that associate with you, stick with it.
Enjoy learning from his example. Here is the dumb way to be a sensitive talk show host.
So you want to get into a closed store and do some after hours shopping? Great! But first we have to get by that pesky layer of glass between you and all the goodies. Grab a friend and put on your sneak shoes because we are going to show you the dumb way of breaking a window.
Like I mentioned before, you’re going to need a dumb friend for this one as well as an establishment you want to break into. Obviously you are going to want to do this at night as to avoid detection and to make sure that no one is around to help you when you inevitably knock yourself unconscious. You will also need some bricks or large rocks. The Choice you make will effect your breaking power. What are you trying to do? Break the window into a million little pieces? Give your friend permanent brain damage? Scatter pieces of your skull all over the parking lot? Great! Now let’s put this plan into action.
Start by having your friend set up as a lookout. You are going to want to place him at an angle relative to your throwing angle. Think of it as a game of billiards. Now take your first rock and throw. You may hear a loud thud behind you. Not to worry though, it’s probably the rock just hitting the ground. Don’t be surprised if it sounds like a 180 pound man falling to the ground, it’s just the rock. Now if the window hasn’t shattered that means you just need to get a little closer and throw it a little harder. You are probably a little disappointed with yourself and may feel that you need to be punished but you have work to do. Hey, why don’t you throw it at your own reflection? That way you still get to break in and you feel like you are punishing yourself at the same time. The next step is very easy. Sleep. Sleep you dumb dumb criminal. And when you wake up you may want to take and advil or two. Congratulations dumb criminal and thanks for putting your brilliant plan into motion for our training purpose.
In honor of the world cup, howtobedumb.com will be getting things started by teaching all of you the proper technique for faking an injury.
Soccer (or Football) is the most popular sport in the world. This special game has some interesting rules and the game can be swayed by a small foul committed in the wrong area. You can also get a player kicked right out of the game if your acting is good enough.
Here we are going to show you a video containing samples of how to properly fake an injury and really sell it to the refs. Starting with the classic phantom sniper (where for no apparent reason you are struck down, like from a sniper) to throwing a infant like piss fit. To pull off these moves properly you will need to have no respect for yourself, sport, game or country and must be willing to throw away any pride you may have had at any given point in your life. Basically, you have to be a complete piece of human waste.
Good Luck! And remember, with enough practice and acting, you can be a total douche like these guys.
